


A Day In The Life of Dan and Phil On Their Honeymoon

by umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex



Series: Days in the Married Life of Dan and Phil [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Honeymoon, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:45:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex/pseuds/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's November 2017, Dan and Phil have just gotten married, and Phil uploads a Day In The Life of them sightseeing around the Japanese art island Naoshima during their honeymoon.</p><p>Feat: discussion of Phil's age, existential crises, how much konpeito is too much konpeito, hickeys, giant pumpkins, and Steven Universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Day In The Life of Dan and Phil On Their Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this took a long time to write. I have about three other WIPs in this series and it's only me forcing myself to focus on one that actually got me to finish this. I was also very busy (maid of honour at my sisters wedding!!!) and a lot of baby discussion is going on in my life at the moment it's so, so very hectic. 
> 
> there are a few links to pictures of artwork etc etc they'd be seeing around the island (none belonging to me) but they should all work!!! hope you enjoy!!!

[Video opens on Phil sitting on the left hand side of an unrecognisable bed. His hair is tousled and he has slight bags under his eyes. He looks nervous as hell under his bright smile, twitching his nose to readjust his glasses as he chats to the camera.]

“Okay, so it’s just after nine o’clock – so early, I know – and we are currently on our second morning in Naoshima, one of the art islands in southern Japan, and we’re on our honeymoon!”

[Phil gives a little huff of laughter, as if he can’t quite believe he’s saying that.]

“You honestly don’t know how weird it is to say that to the camera but, yeah, that’s a thing, probably going to have explained the whole marriage thing in other videos before we upload this one, so hopefully this won’t catch too many of you by surprise. Anyway, we weren’t planning on making a video while we were here, especially as we literally only decided that we were going to let the cat out of the bag on our actual wedding night, but it turns out we booked a day too many here – pretty much saw the entire island yesterday, it’s really small – so me and Dan thought we might take you around with us today? Show you our favourite artworks and that kind of stuff but, before we can do that, let’s go say hi to Dan.”

[The camera swings to the right: Dan is sitting next to him in bed, looking similarly bedheaded. His arms are folded and the bedsheet tucked up underneath them to cover his bare chest – a few small red marks can be seen around his collarbone. His eyebrows are raised, but that does nothing to temper his smile.]

“Morning, Dan.”

“Morning, Phil. Can I just mention that it took about a dozen takes for Phil to say that successfully? Like, he’s been filming for almost half an hour and only _now_ has he gotten it out without making a complete tit of himself.”

“Well, I don’t think you making me seem like a complete tit is that helpful either.”

“I’m your husband, it’s my job to make you seem like a tit.”

“Yeah, but not after I’ve just done my first okay take of the – wait, did you just call me your husband on camera?”

“ _Yep_.”

[Heart Eyes Howell™ and Love Eyes Lester™ are on full force as they gaze at each other. Dan snaps out of it first, clearing his throat and dropping his gaze.]

“Anyway.”

[Jumpcut. Phil is alone in bed, his eyes tracking the sound of movement from behind the camera.]

“I’m making Dan put some clothes on.”

“My sincerest apologies to all those watching this who would’ve liked me to film this entire video in my birthday suit.”

“I can see why they would, though – what? I do!”

“You’re my husband, you have to say that.”

[Phil looks back at the camera.]

“That’s true. I now have a legal obligation to tell Dan that he looks nice at all times. I even signed on it. I didn’t know he was just in his nuddy-pants when we were filming beforehand, I probably would’ve made him put on clothes earlier then.”

“Nice inclusion of the word probably there, Phil.”

“I definitely would’ve, then.”

“I mean, are you really that surprised, though? I’m on my honeymoon. Clothes are generally optional when not in public.”

[Phil glances down at himself: he’s wearing his Avengers t-shirt, now worn with years of use.]

“I’ve got my pyjamas on.”

“That’s because you’re an old man.”

“I’m not old!”

[Jumpcut: Dan is back in bed with Phil, wearing a black flowery kimono over a black t-shirt.]

“Dan’s still trying to call me old.”

“You are, though. He wears slippers constantly, how is he _not_ old?”

“Hey, it’s not only me who’s getting old. You’re closer to thirty than you are twenty.”

“Yes, but you are _actually_ thirty. Not even that, you’re closer to forty than you are twenty.”

“What? No. I can’t be. I’m closer to twenty years and three hundred and sixty-four days old than forty years old, aren’t I?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not, Phil. You’ve been thirty for over six months. You’ve got nineteen years between being twenty and being forty, so nine and a half years after just turning twenty-one you’re closer to being forty, therefore you’re closer to forty.”

“Oh my god.”

[Dan hums in agreement, his husband just looking more and more shocked beside him.]

“I’m closer to being forty than I am to being twenty.”

“Technically, you’ve actually been closer to being forty to twenty as soon as you turned twenty-one cause, while you’ll definitely turn forty someday, all things being well, you can never actually go back to being twenty.”

“Oh, no, stop, you’re just making it worse.”

[Phil buries his face in the hand not holding the camera: Dan takes it from him so he can bury his face in both.]

“If any one of you believe that our married life consists primarily of surprise bouquets of flowers and constant declarations of love, you are thoroughly mistaken. It’s literally 90% me taking the piss out of Phil for being old, the other ten percent being – oh, my god.”

“What?”

[Dan turns wide-eyed back to Phil, whose face is no longer in his hands.]

“Phil, we’re telling the internet about our married life. Like, actually physically making a _Day in the Life_ of us on our _honeymoon_ to upload to the internet for millions of people to see.”

“Yes, I know – Dan, we agreed on this yesterday.”

“Yes, but we’re _actually_ doing it.”

[Phil contemplates Dan for a moment – a wordless conversation – before he turns back to the camera.]

“Dan was wrong. Our married life is 50% me having existential crises about how old I am, and 50% him having existential crises about telling the internet.”

“Yep, seems like a pretty good summary to me.”

“And on the topic of making a _Day in the Life_ of us on our honeymoon, we’ve actually got to film stuff for that at some point –”

“– and not stay in bed for three hours again –”

“– actually, we’ve been really good about not doing that. We’ve been getting out of bed and actually doing things instead of lazing about in bed all morning.”

“I don’t think lazing about would be the best way to describe it, if I’m to be totally honest. We’ve been getting a _lot_ of exercise while we’re here.”

[Phil continues on as if Dan hadn’t spoken, although there’s a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.]

“– so we’re going to go take a shower –”

“– to save water, you know –”

“– but we’ll see you guys soon!”

[They both wave cheerfully at the camera. Jumpcut to them standing next to each other in a bathroom. The mirror cuts them off at the waist, but it looks like they could be holding hands.]

“We realised we couldn’t have a _Day in the Life_ without my iconic bathroom-mirror change –”

“– we actually asked specifically for a bathroom with a large mirror so this could be possible –”

“– so I’ve asked my dear husband if he would like to join me, seeing as he’s joining me in the shower. Okay, you ready?”

“You bet your ass I’m ready, Lester.”

“Three, two, one –”

[Jumpcut. They’re both standing in the same positions, now fully dressed. They whoop and high-five.]

“That was strangely satisfying.”

“What, the jumpcut or the shower?”

[Dan shoves him: the screen shakes as Phil laughs.]

“But seriously, though: why haven’t I been involved with that before? Where was I all the times you’ve done that before?”

“In the closet, probably.”

[Dan looks slightly shamefaced.]

“Oh, yeah.”

[Jumpcut: the camera is on Dan, who is eating breakfast.]

“You looking forward to today, Dan?”

“Pffff, not really.”

[Phil turns the camera to face him.]

“I would just like to state for the record that this was _Dan_ ’s idea which he suggested _yesterday_ and he’s already complaining about it.”

“I’m not complaining. It’s just been really nice exploring Japan and being able to focus just on each other instead of a camera we’re shoving in each other’s faces.”

“I promise not to shove anything in your face until tonight.”

[Dan splutters in the background.]

“Fffff, _Phil –_ ”

[Jumpcut: camera back on Dan.]

“So it turns out we don’t actually have a plan for this video, which I presumed Phil would’ve come up with considering all these videos are uploaded to _his_ channel –”

“– and which I thought he would’ve come up with considering he was the one who suggested it –”

“– but so far we’ve had breakfast, and that’s been pretty good.”

“We’ve been trying to eat only proper Japanese food while we’re here, which means we’ve been eating a _lot_ of rice and eggs –”

“– so much rice and eggs –”

“– and giving Dan the perfect excuse to eat his entire body weight in konpeito.”

“I have _not_ been eating my entire body weight in konpeito. If anyone doesn’t know what that is, they’re these tiny little spiky round colourful sweets that don’t really taste of much –”

“– they don’t taste of anything, Dan –”

“– wow, what an enlightening comment, Phil – but they’re literally my favourite thing about being on this trip except for the fact that it’s my honeymoon.”

“You keep on saying ‘my honeymoon’ instead of our, should I be worried?”

“Yes, Phil, I am going on a honeymoon with myself. You’re just here so I can book the honeymoon suites without the hotel staff thinking I’m weird.”

“Well, you could’ve told me sooner.”

“I know, I should’ve, sorry about that. Honesty in relationships should be the number one priority, guys, the number one priority.”

“Is there anything else you need to tell me?”

“Uh, that the only reason I want to film this is so that in five years’ time when I’m looking at you with such loathing in my eyes wondering why I ever decided to marry you, I can look back at this and remember why.”

“Aw, thanks, Dan.”

“The reason being is that I got to go back to Japan and stay in a honeymoon suite.”

“You’re such a loving husband.”

[Jumpcut: shot of a breakfast – a fried egg on rice, partially eaten.]

“I’m also eating breakfast, too, by the way. I’m not just sitting here watching Dan eat his.”

“Although that would’ve be too weird.”

[Camera pans to Dan.]

“He does it all the time at home because he eats faster than me and I’m generally still happily munching away by the time he’s practically inhaled his.”

“That I will not deny. Today I got, uh, egg on rice again, but I think it’s a different type of rice, so that should be interesting.”

“I really don’t think our subscribers want an exclusive on your breakfast, Phil.”

“No, probably not.”

[Jumpcut, they’re sitting very close on a white leather sofa.]

“So now that we’ve finished breakfast, what are we actually doing today?”

“Oh, I don’t know, probably just walking around looking at pretty things and sharing umbrellas a lot.”

“So basically just looking at me, then.”

“Are you saying that you’re pretty thing?”

“Yes.”

[Short pause as Dan looks Phil with an incredulous expression before he turns his head to the camera.]

“So basically just looking at Phil, apparently. See, I don’t actually know if a _Day in the Life_ of us on our honeymoon would be all too representative of our lives, seeing as we’re leaving this place tonight.”

“You’re not exactly sad about that, though, are you?”

“No, no, this place is lovely but I’m excited to continue on with our trip, have a look at all the other places we’ve booked to go. I am sad that we’re more than halfway through our honeymoon, though.”

“Oh, god, don’t remind me.”

“Phil keeps on moping about how many days we’ve got left until we have to return to civilisation.”

“At least I’m moping, you’re _counting down_ the days until we go home.”

“I am _not_ , I have just been pointing out that, y'know, it’ll be nice returning home to our flat and start beginning our lives together as a married couple.”

“You just miss the internet, don’t you.”

“...yeah, I’m really enjoying the lack of memes on this holiday.

"I've already told you, we make our own memes."

"I think that's what they more commonly call 'inside jokes', Phil."

"Oh yeah."

"We said that we would abstain from the internet – not from, like, looking up stuff about where we’re visiting, but from Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook and stuff – so that we could have this one fortnight away from all our responsibilities to just focus purely on each other, and what are we doing? Filming a video.”

“Hey, this was your idea!”

“Yes, thank you, Phil. We’ve allowed ourselves to check email in case of emergencies and to inform our mothers that we’re still alive, but nothing else. It’s been awful, I really would’ve recommend it.”

“It’s like we’re plants being denied sunlight.”

“It’s actually the complete opposite, seeing as we’re being forced out into the sunlight. On that note, we should probably actually go outside at some point.”

“Oh, right, yeah.”

[Jumpcut. View of a pier overlooking the sea, on which is a [ massive yellow pumpkin](http://www.japantimes.co.jp/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/fv20120708a1a.jpg).]

“Gedda load of this _pumpkin_.”

“Dan really likes the pumpkin.”

“Pfghgh just _look_ at it.”

[Dan strolls into view, walking up to the pumpkin, the screen jittering slightly as Phil follows him.]

“It’s almost as big as I am!”

[Phil laughs as Dan starts measuring his height against the pumpkin: he is only a little taller.]

“I would be really annoyed by it if it wasn’t so cool-looking.”

“What, because it’s almost as tall as you?”

“Yeah. Things aren’t allowed to be as tall as me, it just doesn’t seem right. Like, I don’t know if you get this, Phil, because you’re not as tall as I am –”

“– thanks –”

“– you’re welcome, but, like, as a guy who is generally considered pretty tall, when I see another tall guy it’s like, you know what, no, I don’t like you, you’re not allowed to be as tall as I am, this shouldn’t be allowed.”

“I thought you were about to say attractive for a moment there. That’s where I go.”

“No, that’s only when I see you. So, yeah, I would dislike how tall this is, if it wasn’t so cool-looking.”

[Dan disappears for a moment as he circles the pumpkin, face close as he inspects it.]

“You know what I think you should do?”

[Dan sends a really suspicious look at the camera.]

“…what?

“Hug the pumpkin.”

“Hug the – I’m not going to _hug_ the _pumpkin_ , Phil.”

“Hug it! Hug it! Hug it! Hug it!”

[Dan sighs, glances around him, and gives the pumpkin an uneasy hug as Phil cheers in the background. Dan shakes his head with a bright smile as he walks back towards the camera.]

“I am _divorcing_ you.”

[Jumpcut: they're both in view, the pumpkin and the water the backdrop as they chat to the camera. Phil speaks first.]

"It's so cool that that is literally  _right_ outside where we're staying, though."

"It is, it's really cool. Like, this whole entire island is just infused with art and culture. It's pretty impressive, I have to say. Like, even the hotel we're staying at, which is the Benesse House Museum - not a spon as it's literally, like, the only hotel on the entire island, is set inside a contemporary art museum. Last night before we went to bed we had a wander around the galleries cause guests are permitted beyond closing time, and it was  _fantastic_ , honestly one of the best things I've ever seen. You get such, like, intimacy with the art, it's unbelievable."

"It was absolutely deserted, as well, which was a plus."

"It was, it was. The highlight for me last night, though - in the museum, at least - was this installation called[ _100 Live and Die_](http://thefoxisblack.com/2011/02/25/bruce-nauman-one-hundred-live-and-die) by Bruce Nauman, I think it was, which was just a neon billboard of flashing phrases like CRY AND LIVE and THINK AND DIE and SCREAM AND LIVE in large glowing letters, all caps, which I think is just me in a nutshell, really."

 [Jumpcut. They’re walking down a path, surrounded by trees and flowers.]

“So, we’ve discovered that the easiest way to get around the island is by bicycle, which Dan isn’t too pleased about.”

“We cycled for four, five hours seeing the island yesterday, and my legs are _aching_ I am going to _die_.”

“Yeah, my butt still really hurts.”

“Oh, yeah, I bet it does.”

[Dan winks at the camera.]

“ _Dan_!”

[Jumpcut: a background of leafy green Japanese countryside. Phil cycles into view, passing the camera with a smile and a wave. Dan laughs in the background as he wobbles slightly on his bike.]

“Aw, he’s so adorable, isn’t he? – …don’t tell him I said that.”

[Jumpcut: a background of leafy green countryside. They strolling through a [ garden](http://www.japan-guide.com/g2/5477_11.jpg), passing a small stream, and surrounded by flowers.]

“We’re quite quickly realising that we’re not sure how much of Naoshima we’re actually going to be able to show you.”

“Yeah, we just passed the [ Lee Ufan museum](https://twoyeartrip.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/chichu-art-museum.jpg)? And that had some really cool stuff in it but you’re not actually able to take any photos in it, so.”

“The entrance was really cool, though, it was all severe right angles and white stone, super prison block-y. We probably could’ve filmed that, but we already cycled past it.”

“We’re standing in the garden of the Chichu Museum, which we also can’t show you but Dan really liked.”

“Urghhh, it was so good. The design was so minimalist: loads of white and black and grey, and a buttload of cool right angles, and it’s also _underground_ , which is just totally unnecessarily cool.”

“The name literally means _art museum in the earth_ , how cool is that?”

“I saw online that the architect described his style or something non-monumental but highly architectural which is just aesthetic ay-ef tee-bee-aych.”

“The lighting is really cool as well, like, it’s all natural and cause of that it kind of changes how the art looks and, like, the ambience of the entire museum throughout the day and it’s, like, how did they even manage that? I have no idea, but it’s _so_ cool. I could stay here for the entire day seeing how the lighting changes the artwork.”

“Mm, same. I just kind of want to live there, to be honest.

“Not too keen on cycling being the only way to get from A to B, though.”

[Dan shakes his head solemnly at the camera.]

“I’m really liking this garden, though. There’s over 200 types of flowers here. I didn’t even know there _were_ that many types of flowers.

“No, neither did I. It’s kind of like stepping into one of the Monet paintings we saw in the museum.”

“Yeah, cause apparently he was really influenced by Japanese art? Which I didn’t know, which is pretty cool.”

“Monet confirmed weeaboo 2k16.”

[Jumpcut: focus is on Phil, who is drinking tea in a [ cafe](http://benesse-artsite.jp/art/uploads/art/chichu/cafe.jpg).]

“So, guess who dragged me into the café just so he could get a cup of tea.”

“You don’t understand; this tea is _so_ nice. It’s rose and marigold, I may literally never drink a cup of earl grey ever again.”

[Dan laughs at him from behind the camera. Jumpcut: close up of a postcard of Monet’s [_Water-Lily Pond C. 1915-26_](http://frenchart.umsl.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Monet-Nenuphars.jpg). Dan is speaking in a faux-Valley accent.]

“Hey, Claude, is this anime?”

[Jumpcut: shot over the [sea](https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@34.449104,133.9801512,3a,75y,263.83h,72.55t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sEULmnBgM3TmkEJw32LEk-g!2e0!7i13312!8i6656), Phil speaking in the background.]

“We decided it would be best if we didn’t film while we were cycling, because that is just a recipe for disaster, but we thought we would hop of our bikes to show you this – isn’t it beautiful? We’re not really sure what’s down there, we think it’s a port or something, but Dan is really angry that something can be so pretty.”

“It’s just so _pretty_ and I’m so _angry_ oh my _god_ –”

[Jumpcut.]

“Phil, this bay is prettier than you, are you jealous?”

“Not really, you can’t marry a bay.”

“I instead married my _bae_ , ay, ay, ay –”

[Jumpcut: walking down yet another path.]

“And now we get to my favourite part of the whole entire island: the 007 museum.”

“It’s just because he fancies Daniel Craig. He doesn’t actually like James Bond.”

“I do _not_ fancy Daniel Craig.”

[Phil gives Dan an _are you kidding me_ look.]

“Okay, so you’re telling me that when he rises from the ocean in Casino Royale like a literal sex god of the sea, you feel absolutely _nothing_.”

“…okay, good point.”

[Jumpcut: Dan is standing next to a life-size cut out of Daniel Craig as James Bond in the museum.]

“Okay, I was really _not_ expecting to be several inches taller than James Bond. This is actually kind of disappointing.”

“Are you still happy you married me, then, and not Daniel Craig?”

“Eh, you’ll do.”

[Jumpcut: on another pier, Phil is standing awkwardly next to a [far larger, fatter red pumpkin](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XCDJaHMOVgo/UBbRf4CGi1I/AAAAAAAAB40/bghhzWe1CpQ/s1600/IMG_5419.JPG) over twice his height.]

“Dan, I feel kind of weird doing this.”

“Come on, you made me do it.”

“ _Fine_.”

[Phil hugs the red pumpkin as Dan hoots in the background. Jumpcut: they’re lying on grass, very close, wearing sunglasses and smiling lazily up at the camera. Phil speaks first.]

“We’re having a bit of a snooze in the sunshine.”

“It’s still reaching low twenties here, in _October_ , which is honestly glorious and we’re seriously considering moving here.”

“He is, I’m not.”

“Yeah, I’m considering divorcing Phil, taking all his money, and using it to move here, like and subscribe if you think I should do it.”

“Hey!”

[Jumpcut: they’re now sitting on the grass. People pass along in the background, but they are only focused on each other.  Dan speaks first.]

“You know what the only bad thing about honeymooning in Japan is?”

“I don’t know, what?”

“We can’t be all loved up and stuff in public as much as we could if we were in, oh, I don’t know, Paris or something, despite the fact that this is the first time in literally years that I would feel comfortable with doing that. Like, we wouldn’t exactly be making out in the middle of the street, but it is a little more frowned upon here, I think.”

“Yeah, I get you. Also, we kind of don’t really want to be recognised.”

“Also that, _definitely_ that. It hasn’t actually happened yet – mostly because I don’t think any of our fans would be expecting us to be here. Like, oh, those two guys look like those two youtubers, but why would they be here, they’re not on tour or anything and they haven’t announced that they’re on holiday, must just be a coincidence – maybe that has happened, I don’t know.”

“But fortunately no one has come up to us saying they know who we are, and we haven’t had anyone try take sneak pics of us that we’ve noticed, which is nice.”

“Yeah, because that’s always been kind of creepy, to be honest – but we haven’t really been on social media enough recently to see if that has happened, though, so. It’s not that we don’t want to meet our Japanese fans, more that we don’t particular fancy meeting someone and having to explain the fact that we’re wearing wedding rings before we announced that we’d gotten married.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like fun, especially if they went and announced it to the whole world before we did.”

“Exactly, exactly – like, we were so terrified when we were at Manchester Airport. Honest to god, that was one of the most terrifying things I’ve done. Going through security and getting on a plane and all is bad enough, but if anyone had recognised us and seen that we were wearing our wedding rings before we’d uploaded any videos about it? Literally no idea what I would’ve done. Probably spontaneously combusted on the spot.”

“You’d’ve probably said we got married for tax benefits.”

“That honestly does sound like something I’d say.”

“He let out the biggest sight of relief when we got on the plane. It was like he was breathing for the first time in years.”

“Filming this kind of feels the same way, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Being able to talk about how we’re together-together on camera for the first time ever feels like that, because it’s so natural, and so easy, despite the literal seven, eight years we spent ignoring the elephant in the room.”

“The massive, yellow, spotted elephant in the room. Or red, I guess.”

“Let’s just hope we actually get the guts to upload this one. Oh, yeah, on that note – reason why we didn’t upload the Vegas video, if you guys haven’t clocked on: we looked too much like a couple in it.”

“Like, if you think that Dan is being Heart Eyes Howell™ in this video, you have no idea what you’re missing out on.”

“Heart Eyes Howell-Lester, thank you very much. We might end up uploading that video now that everyone’s gonna know we’re a couple, seeing as the reason we looked too much like a couple is because we were one –”

“We’re not one anymore, now we’re just kind of a fused entity.”

“Like, Garnet from Steven Universe – I’m Ruby and he’s Sapphire.”

[Phil narrows his eyebrows.]

“Wait, I’m not Sapphire!”

“Yeah, but you’re not Ruby either.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t think this analogy really works.”

“We wish we could actually fuse and turn into Estelle, is what we’re saying.”

 “ _You’ll be my American boy~_ ”

[Dan looks at Phil like he can’t quite believe he knows him, never mind married to him. Phil looks back innocently.]

“What were we talking about again?”

“I have no idea.”

[Jumpcut: they’re both grinning like fools. Dan is shaking his head in disbelief.]

“We literally had to go back and rewatch what we’d just filmed to find out what we were talking about.”

“I was right: you do have a severe case of the Heart Eyes Howell™ right now.”

“Alright, Love Eyes Lester™, if you say so.”

[Jumpcut: Phil is sitting on the grass. The red pumpkin can be seen in the background behind him, and Phil is holding a small, light brown of what looks like floury dough.]

“Now onto something slightly more lighthearted: Phil is trying mochi.”

“He’s making me. He’s _making_ me try mochi.”

“I am, I am.”

“He’s an awful husband.”

“Ah, yes, encouraging your partner to try new foods: definitely one of the worst qualities to have in a husband.”

[Jumpcut. Phil is hesitantly trying to start eating the mochi.]

“Come on, man, you can’t just nibble at it!”

“How am I supposed to eat it, then?”

“You’ve just gotta, like, shove the whole thing into your mouth –”

“I know, that’s what I said to you last night.”

“ _Phil –_ ”

[Jumpcut. Phil is chewing, and various expressions are leaping across his face.]

“What do you think?”

[Phil makes a vague _hmphphphp_ noise, and Dan laughs.]

“Is it good? Is that a smile I see? It is, isn’t it, so that means it’s good, I _told_ you you would like –”

[Phil tries to speak a few more times as he continues chewing, his husband still sniggering in the background.]

“It’s so cold!”

“It’s ice cream, you spork, of course it’s cold.”

“This is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.”

“See? See? If you can’t trust your own husband to know what foods you’re gonna like, you can’t trust anyone.”

“It’s so chewy.” 

“Yeah, it is a bit, I’ll give you that one. Am I still an awful husband, though?”

“Fine, you’re not an awful husband.”

“Ayyyy! Best part of the trip so far: Phil admitting that I’m not an awful husband. That is husband goals right there.”

[Phil covers his mouth as he laughs.]

“I’m already your husband, how can I be goals?”

“Just shut up and eat your mochi, _god_.”

[Jumpcut: both now on screen, the light starting to fade a little.]

“So, Phil, what did you think?”

“Well, the cold was a bit unexpected – I mean, it was ice cream, but you don’t normally bite into ice cream like that – and the texture was a bit weird, but it tasted so nice, so coffee-ie, so I’m going to give it a solid –”

[He lifts his hand, showing a four.]

“Four out of five, would definitely eat again – what about you, Dan?”

“Well, I got plum wine mochi, because I have accepted my fate as Ultimate Wine Mom despite neither being a parent or a woman, but mine was really good. Not sure if I’d have that flavour again, but would definitely stuff my face with it at some future occasion.”

“And that’s it for this video, as we need to go cycle back to the hotel, get all our stuff, and come back here to get on the ferry back to the mainland, but we really hope you’ve enjoyed this video, because we really have –”

“And we hope that enjoyment has not been accompanied by a deep, deep sense of terror that it has for us, because… this is kind of scary. Exhilarating, yeah, but kind of scary, so please like and leave a comment if you liked this video, because it would mean so, so much to us –”

“– and subscribe if both mine and Dan’s channels if you don’t want him to divorce me and run off to Japan without me.”

 “Bye!”

[Jumpcut. They’re back in the hotel room: Dan is sitting on the bed going through his phone.]

 “What was the other ten percent, by the way?”

“Sorry?”

“The other ten percent of what our marriage consisted of – you know how we were saying earlier, and you said –”

[Dan mumbles something.]

“What was that, sorry?”

“Dank memes.”

“…okay, that’s it, I’m filing for divorce.”

“Hey, that’s _my_ line!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> ah, reminds me of me and my wife's honeymoon. 
> 
> please comment if you enjoyed it, and if there are any "videos" you would be particularly interested in me doing in the future???
> 
> WIPs include a baking video (will probably wait until V-Day to upload that), a Vidcon video, an Internet Support Group: Special Relationship Edition, and Phil livestream, and a mydrunkkitchen because I love Hannah Hart, but if you have any suggestions I would love it hear them!!!


End file.
